Personal // Peace of Mind

img_03f11920b4e5-1Here I am, on a Saturday afternoon, sitting in a coffee shop (Blue Bottle in Palo Alto, if you’re wondering) just penning my thoughts down. It’s been a whirlwind these past few weeks – which explains my absence from this blog. Having to juggle personal stuff, school (it’s midterm season!), an internship, leadership responsibilities with a Christian Fellowship on campus, and serving on a worship team is no easy task. Especially when I’ve been falling sick here and there throughout this period (I’m currently sick, again).

A lot has been on my mind and it’s been tough just trying to find time to keep up with everything that is going on. Honestly, it’s been a struggle and I am physically tired. I’ve had people literally tell me that they can see the tiredness on my face. On these days, I question what I’m doing. There have been moments where I just want to be selfish and call it a day. The thought of being able to have time for myself is so appealing, but I know that if it came down to it, I wouldn’t be happy either. And that’s when I choose to focus on God, rely on Him for my strength, and to look at the bigger picture. What’s the bigger picture? That lives are being changed through encounters with Jesus.

I find much more joy in serving God than in anything else. The fact that He’s given me so many opportunities to serve here is crazy, because really, who am I? I am nothing without Him, and I’m so thankful to be on this journey with Him. I’m growing so much. Sure, it gets tough and tiring, but I’m just so overwhelmed by how much He is using me to bless others. I guess it’s up to me to balance out everything that’s going on and to be disciplined and wise with how I use my time (thank you Google Calendar!).

Right now, I feel at peace. God has confirmed some of His plans in my life this week and I can just rest knowing that He’s in control and that He’s got me. Maybe one day, I’ll write about what happened at the beginning of this week, but for now, here’s a little blurb about how God spoke to me through a song.

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Context – I was at a Student Leaders Training meeting with my Christian Fellowship on campus. We were trying out an activity where people were invited to share what they were going through, then we would spend some time listening to God and sharing what we heard or saw from God, before praying for one another. I shared what I was going through and at first, I was a little skeptical because the song that came to me happened to be Oceans. It was a song that I heard many times before, but so has everyone else in the world, so I figured that it was just my own thoughts. But a few minutes later, God confirmed what I heard through visions that others saw.

I will call upon Your name, and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace, for I am Yours and You are mine.

If you know me, you’ll know that the beach is my happy place. It’s even better if it’s an isolated beach. I love how all my worries just fade away when I’m near the ocean and how I just immediately feel so calm and peaceful. The visions that my friends had gotten, were of a calm waves that just swished back and forth every so slightly. Everything was still and peaceful. It just made so much sense to me, because the two phrases that stuck out to me the most from Oceans were “My soul will rest in Your embrace, for I am Yours and You are mine.” It just reminded me that God is in control of everything, and because of that, I can rest knowing that He’s got my back.

There’s so much more that I would love to share, so much more that I have to say. But I feel like this post has already been a jumbled mess of my incoherent thoughts. Sorry for the word vomit, but I hope to get back to regularly posting again in this coming week. Until then, God bless and have a great weekend ahead!